Post by Miiralaeuntryr on Jan 27, 2009 6:46:50 GMT -8
Note that this isn't aimed at anyone that is on these boards. Not you Bro, sis, or Nick. Unless of course you are actually guilty of it and I am unaware, and then it includes you too. 
I've been partially peeved and need to get it off my chest.
I suppose I’m a bit annoyed right now. Bad part is, this is stewing and I’m just hoping I can get it out of my system before I blow at a friend for it. For anyone who is a parent with single friends, they may very well understand what I mean and it probably annoys them too.
Why is it my single friends, be it because they are younger, unattached, or just without kids can not get it through their heads that I can’t always be, go, or do whatever the hell it is they want me for. I can’t just spend time constantly with them as they might wish it, nor do I have the freedom to just drop it all and meet up, stay at, or even just make a date on short notice for things.
I have three children. Count that. 1. 2. 3. Those are three reasons nothing gets done around this house on schedule, things are always behind, and I’m always working on something that must get done because normally it deals with my children or my home.
Secondly, I have a husband. He works. He’s in the military so this means he’s at work constantly. They call him, he goes. It’s a 24-7 thing and it is like having a husband who is in the police force, fire department, or a doctor. When he’s called upon, no matter how small he has to go. It is often short notice and a hell of a lot shorter notice than what I would like. But, that is life. That is -my- life and that is what I have to live with, and we make due with the cards dealt us.
Because of this, it means I have had to master many talents from DIY to basic plumbing, personal banker, postal worker, secretary, psychologist, teacher, housekeeper, catering corp, and beyond all that. It is no small task a military wife is required to meet and many don’t pass the mark. Getting a decent wife when you are in the military is like playing the lottery, ‘Many are called, few will win.’ Most women balk, shy and eventually break which normally ends in divorce or worse. An independent streak longer than a nudist in a marathon run is a prime requirement, as is a quick mind, sagacious nature, and a thick skin. The military wife is in short, the equivalent of a single mother on governmental aid and benefits.
Just like a single mother, we don’t get time to ourselves. When our husbands are home the only thing most of us want to do is spent time with them and our family. That of course lasts all of a few weeks before we want to shove the man out of the house again as he starts messing up our management of the household. As far as I have found, most of us ladies do not like our boys having the reigns, nor do we hand it over easily and that effect goes with part of that requirement of independence as mentioned above.
It is not something any civilian will or can understand to its fullest extent. It would be like me truly being able to understand what the daily hardships and routines are of a homeless person. I can’t because I am not truly homeless and have never been, so it is not a view I can grasp completely. I can say ‘I understand’ and I can study it but its book learning and word of mouth which is a whole world apart from the hands on experience of actually being it. It is this which separates the military from the civilian. The two are almost always at loggerheads over it. It is stated as almost because for certain there are single mothers out there can understand this.
It is to quote the phrase from Shawshank Redemption, an ‘institutionalized’ life. My house and my home can be as much my only comfort as they are my prison. It is as comfortable or as cagey as I make it myself. Most women would prefer it to be a comfort to us and our families rather than a prison cell. A cage is still a cage but if gilded it can become a very comfortable cage and acceptable to keeping sane.
Now, as to why I can’t just drop everything and go, do, or be, I don’t know why these single friends of mine can’t understand commitment and responsibility. To be fair maybe it is because they have no commitments so they can’t understand what it means to actually have a commitment in the truest sense. Maybe it is because they don’t know what it means to bear the responsibility for someone other than themselves to the point where if they don’t, they go to jail and the ones they love most are ripped away from them forever. In both cases maybe what they don’t understand is something called selfless sacrifice.
I’m not talking about the sacrifice of being charitable or nice. I’m talking about a deeper and more duty bound sacrifice. Of the type that is a physical sacrifice rather than an emotional sacrifice. It is much deeper because it includes both types where as for instance, putting my self 20 bucks shorter so I can pay your lunch is purely on the emotional level of care I don’t have a responsibility or duty to do that. I choose to. It’s a big difference. The moment I got married, and the moment I had children I had to do more than just choose to. I had to choose to sacrifice -and- that know that the choice was an undeniable, one-way choice to take on a duty which would mean that further sacrifices would not be within my own control of when I chose to make them. Only that they would be there, and like my husband, I would be called to make them and would have to do them.
These single friends of mine should follow me around for one day. Nick, I hope, has learned to understand this much because he is on Skype with me enough, at least at the end of my day when I am tattered and worn to bones. What he gets to listen in to goes on all day long from rise to resting, which for most of that day I’m not even vocal about, unlike the evening when I’m ratty from it all day long. It is after that, when my children are in bed, that I can take the time to myself to relax with these single friends of mine. Even then, that is provided I have no work to do around the house that I can not get done when they are awake due to the amount of focus needed, the danger to them, or the pointlessness of doing it before the family is asleep because I will only have to redo it again later.
So. to these individuals I say:
Rant on
Don’t try to fill in my day with your own imaginings of what you think I endure, do, or don’t do and then have the gall to think badly or ill of me. You are being obtuse because you don’t have a scooby of a clue what goes on in my life and with it anymore than I do your daily routines, duties, and lifestyle. Such imaginings are more often than not biased on your own experiences and what you yourself understand rather than the personal experience of the person you are trying to know.
So, excuse me if I can’t just drop it all and go to yours for a cuppa or if I have to get offline because I have work to do that can only be done within working business hours, or if I have work to do that has had to wait until my children are asleep. I’m doing the job of two parents with three children all while trying to keep my house comfortable so that I can stay sane. It has always been this way. That you get any of my time at all out of my day for me to even say hello and maybe have a small chit chat should be enough to let you know I care and consider you a friend. It means I consider you important enough to sacrifice more of myself in what isn’t already given to my children, my husband, and my family. If you expect more than that, then you are being utterly selfish and lacking common sense because it is called life and its obligations come first. If you can’t come to an understanding of the depth and influence of that, then fuck you, get a life of your own.
rant off
Ok, thank you. I feel much better now. ;D
I've been partially peeved and need to get it off my chest.I suppose I’m a bit annoyed right now. Bad part is, this is stewing and I’m just hoping I can get it out of my system before I blow at a friend for it. For anyone who is a parent with single friends, they may very well understand what I mean and it probably annoys them too.
Why is it my single friends, be it because they are younger, unattached, or just without kids can not get it through their heads that I can’t always be, go, or do whatever the hell it is they want me for. I can’t just spend time constantly with them as they might wish it, nor do I have the freedom to just drop it all and meet up, stay at, or even just make a date on short notice for things.
I have three children. Count that. 1. 2. 3. Those are three reasons nothing gets done around this house on schedule, things are always behind, and I’m always working on something that must get done because normally it deals with my children or my home.
Secondly, I have a husband. He works. He’s in the military so this means he’s at work constantly. They call him, he goes. It’s a 24-7 thing and it is like having a husband who is in the police force, fire department, or a doctor. When he’s called upon, no matter how small he has to go. It is often short notice and a hell of a lot shorter notice than what I would like. But, that is life. That is -my- life and that is what I have to live with, and we make due with the cards dealt us.
Because of this, it means I have had to master many talents from DIY to basic plumbing, personal banker, postal worker, secretary, psychologist, teacher, housekeeper, catering corp, and beyond all that. It is no small task a military wife is required to meet and many don’t pass the mark. Getting a decent wife when you are in the military is like playing the lottery, ‘Many are called, few will win.’ Most women balk, shy and eventually break which normally ends in divorce or worse. An independent streak longer than a nudist in a marathon run is a prime requirement, as is a quick mind, sagacious nature, and a thick skin. The military wife is in short, the equivalent of a single mother on governmental aid and benefits.
Just like a single mother, we don’t get time to ourselves. When our husbands are home the only thing most of us want to do is spent time with them and our family. That of course lasts all of a few weeks before we want to shove the man out of the house again as he starts messing up our management of the household. As far as I have found, most of us ladies do not like our boys having the reigns, nor do we hand it over easily and that effect goes with part of that requirement of independence as mentioned above.
It is not something any civilian will or can understand to its fullest extent. It would be like me truly being able to understand what the daily hardships and routines are of a homeless person. I can’t because I am not truly homeless and have never been, so it is not a view I can grasp completely. I can say ‘I understand’ and I can study it but its book learning and word of mouth which is a whole world apart from the hands on experience of actually being it. It is this which separates the military from the civilian. The two are almost always at loggerheads over it. It is stated as almost because for certain there are single mothers out there can understand this.
It is to quote the phrase from Shawshank Redemption, an ‘institutionalized’ life. My house and my home can be as much my only comfort as they are my prison. It is as comfortable or as cagey as I make it myself. Most women would prefer it to be a comfort to us and our families rather than a prison cell. A cage is still a cage but if gilded it can become a very comfortable cage and acceptable to keeping sane.
Now, as to why I can’t just drop everything and go, do, or be, I don’t know why these single friends of mine can’t understand commitment and responsibility. To be fair maybe it is because they have no commitments so they can’t understand what it means to actually have a commitment in the truest sense. Maybe it is because they don’t know what it means to bear the responsibility for someone other than themselves to the point where if they don’t, they go to jail and the ones they love most are ripped away from them forever. In both cases maybe what they don’t understand is something called selfless sacrifice.
I’m not talking about the sacrifice of being charitable or nice. I’m talking about a deeper and more duty bound sacrifice. Of the type that is a physical sacrifice rather than an emotional sacrifice. It is much deeper because it includes both types where as for instance, putting my self 20 bucks shorter so I can pay your lunch is purely on the emotional level of care I don’t have a responsibility or duty to do that. I choose to. It’s a big difference. The moment I got married, and the moment I had children I had to do more than just choose to. I had to choose to sacrifice -and- that know that the choice was an undeniable, one-way choice to take on a duty which would mean that further sacrifices would not be within my own control of when I chose to make them. Only that they would be there, and like my husband, I would be called to make them and would have to do them.
These single friends of mine should follow me around for one day. Nick, I hope, has learned to understand this much because he is on Skype with me enough, at least at the end of my day when I am tattered and worn to bones. What he gets to listen in to goes on all day long from rise to resting, which for most of that day I’m not even vocal about, unlike the evening when I’m ratty from it all day long. It is after that, when my children are in bed, that I can take the time to myself to relax with these single friends of mine. Even then, that is provided I have no work to do around the house that I can not get done when they are awake due to the amount of focus needed, the danger to them, or the pointlessness of doing it before the family is asleep because I will only have to redo it again later.
So. to these individuals I say:
Rant on
Don’t try to fill in my day with your own imaginings of what you think I endure, do, or don’t do and then have the gall to think badly or ill of me. You are being obtuse because you don’t have a scooby of a clue what goes on in my life and with it anymore than I do your daily routines, duties, and lifestyle. Such imaginings are more often than not biased on your own experiences and what you yourself understand rather than the personal experience of the person you are trying to know.
So, excuse me if I can’t just drop it all and go to yours for a cuppa or if I have to get offline because I have work to do that can only be done within working business hours, or if I have work to do that has had to wait until my children are asleep. I’m doing the job of two parents with three children all while trying to keep my house comfortable so that I can stay sane. It has always been this way. That you get any of my time at all out of my day for me to even say hello and maybe have a small chit chat should be enough to let you know I care and consider you a friend. It means I consider you important enough to sacrifice more of myself in what isn’t already given to my children, my husband, and my family. If you expect more than that, then you are being utterly selfish and lacking common sense because it is called life and its obligations come first. If you can’t come to an understanding of the depth and influence of that, then fuck you, get a life of your own.
rant off
Ok, thank you. I feel much better now. ;D
